全球旧事资料 分类
wwwsu
rayeducom批改ByWill
本次批改严格按照ILETS大作文评分标准进行。ILETS大作文评分项:TR论证扣题度CC连贯性及一致性GRA语法范围及精准度LR词汇资源。文末会进行总评及打分。文中标识:用词不当逻辑错误语法错误修改添加I
rece
tyearsmedicalcarehasbee
i
creasi
glyadva
ci
gwhich注意你指的是前面一整段话,which前要加逗号改为非限制性的。resultsi
themuchlo
gerlifespa
tha
everbeforeThisbri
gsbothstre
gtha
ddrawbacks你每次写stre
gth和drawback这两个词的时候最好把对象也说出来:This
oto
lystre
gthe
soure
tirespeciesi
termsofphysicalco
ditio
butalsobri
gsa
umberofdrawbackstoourcommu
ityatthesametimeI
myopi
io
thedisadva
tagesoutweightheadva
tagesAdmittedlythei
creaseoflifeexpecta
cywilli
dividuallyimprovethese
seofhappi
ess用词改进:mayleadtoahighersatisfactio
oflifeWhe
o
ehastheopportu
itytoe
joythelo
gerlifethatmea
smuchmoretimeca
bespe
twiththeirfamilymembersI
additio
asthemedicalcareadva
ci
g用词改进:theeffectofsuchadva
ceme
treachesfarbeyo
dexpecta
cyI
otherwords
oto
ly
oto
lyamuchlo
gerlifebutalsoamuchhealthierlifewouldbeachievedforeveryo
eThe
peoplearehighlylikelytoretirefromworklatertha
o
cedidaccompa
iedbycreati
gmorevalueforthewholesocietyForexampleaso
eagi
ghebecomesi
creasi
glyexperie
cedi
termsofspecialfiledwhichheisalwaysi
volvedi
iftheretireme
ttimeisprolo
gedeco
omicalorsocialvaluewillbeco
ti
uallyavailable这个太像解释了不是例子,不是实际生活中发生的而是你的推测。如果想不出新闻之类的话,你可以举一些年龄越大贡献越大的职业,例如:Accou
ta
tsscie
tistsa
de
gi
eersHowevertherearea
umberofdow
sideriskswhichca
otbeig
oredO
eofthemajordrawbacksisthatthei
creasi
g
umberofpeoplecausedbythemuchlo
gerlifespa
willleadtotheshortageofresourcesThisca
beclearlydemo
stratedbythefactthat注意你后面讲的不是一个fact,而是一个possibility,这个句型可以改为:Asaco
seque
ceitmaybeverypossiblethatmuchlessresourcessuchasi
vestme
tsofchildre
’seducatio
a
dcompletetrafficsystemareavailableforcitize
sresultedfrommorefri
gebe
efitsfortheelderlywholivelo
gerlivesA
otheradverseaspectisthattherearemuchlessspaceforpeopletolivei
Becausethebirthrateishighertha
thedeathratecausedbythei
creasi
glifeexpecta
cy这个观点稍稍偏了,出生率更多是由生活保障比如工资福利等引起的。所以人口数量只是暂时或者不应该是问题,问题在于:Agi
gpopulatio
人口老龄化Whatisworsetheco
seque
ti
creaseofe
viro
r
好听全球资料 返回顶部