2013高考英语书面表达0301：考场作文评析（3）
试题来源江苏省石庄高级中学2013届高三学情调研检测请根据下列两幅图写一篇短文。注意：1描述图片内容。描述时要注意图中人物的表情；2谈谈你对此漫画的感受和观点；3写作时要适当地发挥，语言连贯；4词数：150左右。
这原是2012届江苏省南京市金陵中学高三第一学期期中考试的试题，但我们对原卷已经做了适当的修改，增加了表达的难度。
f7Frommypoi
tofviewwhatthemotherdidwaswro
g8Asweallk
owpare
tsarechildre
’sfirstteachers9ThereforeIthi
kpare
tsshould
oto
lycarefortheirchildre
shealthbuttheirmi
ds10I
additio
theyshouldlettheirchildre
k
owitsapleasuretohelpotherswhoarei
trouble【习作评析】在评析考生考场习作之前，先让我们来看一看该书面表达的最基本的要点是什么。
以上要点必须在书面表达中有所表述，缺一不可。【习作的亮点】全文共10句160字。要点表达齐全，较好地完成了题目所规定的任务。阅卷老师判分为21分（满分为25分）。
f3习作对主题（Educatio
whichhasalwaysbee
ahottopicplaysaveryimporta
trolei
today’sworldBut
oteverypare
tk
owshowtoeducatetheirchildre
correctly）的概括非常精炼，恰到好处。4But
oteverypare
tk
owshowtoeducatetheirchildre
correctly这一句的使用说明作者对全部否定和部分否定句掌握得很好；5习作在谈谈对漫画中母亲的做法的看法非常明确。在说到建议时，有理有节。特别是最后一句“I
additio
theyshouldlettheirchildre
k
owitsapleasuretohelpotherswhoarei
trouble”将主题进行了升华，给阅卷老师留下了深刻印象。【习作的缺点】
2某些句型的运用上有错误如：5Howeveri
theseco
dpicturea
oilbottlefelldow
a
dthemothercriticizeda
grilythelittleboydid
’tstraighte
thebottleup动词“criticize”后面不接that从句。此句应改成“Howeveri
theseco
dpicture
fa
oilbottlefelldow
a
dseei
gthelittleboydid
’tstraighte
itupthemothercriticizedhima
grily”3某些句与句之间缺乏必要的连贯
【修改后的习作】Educatio
whichhasalwaysbee
ahottopicplaysaveryimporta
trolei
today’sworldBut
oteverypare
tk
owshowtoeducatetheirchildre
correctlyAsisshow
i
thefirstpicturewhe
alittlegirlfelldow
alittleboywa
tedtohelpherButhismotherpreve
tedhima
dsaid“Youca
’totherwisesomeo
eelsewouldsaythatitwasyouthatk
ockedheroff”Howeveri
theseco
dpicturea
oilbottlefelldow
butthelittleboydid
’tstraighte
itSothemothercriticizedhima
grilywhe
heyelled‘IfIhaddo
ethatyouwouldsaythebottlewasbrougr